I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
