ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
