Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
