I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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