Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
