My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
