im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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