So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
