i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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