That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Randomize
