this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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