my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
