Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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