If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
