what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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