so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
