we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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