I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
