I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
