OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
