I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
