So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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