Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
