Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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