question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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