I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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