this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
