this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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