On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
