oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
