so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
