Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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