3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dicks are not precious.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
