i permit you to call me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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