he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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