Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
