so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
