Got a toothbrush?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
