Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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