it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
