I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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