i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
