I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
