3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
