you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
