I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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