Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
