so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
