Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
