as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
