so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
