woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
