he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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